Tuesday 14 June 2011

Its hard...

What is love? Do we need love? For some reason, we need... All kid born in this world, all has been love by their own parent and family. Not all enough... Today I am sharing about my story to you all blogger, readers or whatever...


I been live in this family for 14 years (of course I do) for some reason, I can feel by my six senses (lols if you could) that this family will not be perfect any longer... While when I small... I’m soooo cute :3 *perasan* (lol it’s out of topic) I was love by my brother, my cousin of course my parent and teacher also. Month by month, year by year I’m growing into a kiddo lol, a teenagers. After I graduated from my chms school, I’m move to stpri to continue my secondary studies... I started changing bad, ignore my parent word and started to lie them... And I lost my family love since I was 10 years old... my mum start to change into difference mum (urh.. getting more smexy lol) until i found out Rachel and ruby. We this 3 troublemaker at school. Every time we share our story to each other, got one time me and ruby get in trouble at school XD it’s my second time get in HEP and ruby is the first time :O (HAHAHAHA quite stress that time) and in around April month me, ruby and Rachel get in HEP again -. - Me is third time Liao (Waa streesss) ruby second time (so unlucky) Rachel also second. We play mobile phone at school until prefect check Dao. FML!! Hais...


After all this, I meet teddy, he nice :3 both we (me, Rachel and ruby) had in relationship in same month! *weeeeee~* first week it goes well... but who knows after it, we keep quarrel all this week because of my pass. I don't get it, why my pass so sensitive to him? Every time we argue in the end all about Kenny pang la, Kenneth la, Shane la. He so sensitive... I’m the one who surfer all this pain all he do is angry at me. Even I cry so hard, he won’t know it. I never cry in front of someone if I need. Like Rachel say '' You are a strong girl right? You won’t cry in front of us. BE strong, brave and face it.'' All I can do is crying. IM a crying baby... Now these days I stuck at home. I can’t out with him or hangout, even our monthsary I almost can't out. I always make him disappoint. I just know I’m useless whenever I in relationship. I always make him angry, disappoint. He never understood me well... even he gets sick I call him to see a doctor he also doesn’t want. I just want him to be healthy again like pass, i want him to be happy to be strong to be a happy person in my life. What he does is no and no... I ask him why? He answers '' if I see a doctor, doctor will let me stay at hospital '' its great atleast he won’t suffer more pain when he got gastric. He just doesn’t want... He never know because of him I ended up hitting by my parent, ended up lost some of my friend, ended up crying alone in my room. The next day when I wake up, I just pretend nothing is happen...HE never understand what i want andni what i need..


And my mum she starts hating me more and more. All this day I talking to her like talking to the wall, she never reply me single word. Whenever I look in her eye, all I can see is her anger. What did I do wrong? I can’t have a peace day? Wtf. every time I talking to her we ended up fighting... last night, she talks this word to me '' why every time you like making me angry? Why you and your father is the same? Do you want I divorce with your dad and left you alone over here? I can leave this house any minute if you want me to. I’m tired being with you all, I’m tired looking at you, I’m tired seeing you guys argue. I had enough....’’ She really wants to leave this house so much... from that day she and my father never talk...


You guys every time seeing me happy but inside me I’m not. I’m a lonely girl, I’m useless, I’m stupid, and I think I born in this world is a mistake..  And i think god should take my life away HOW I WISH MY LIFE HAD AN UNDO BUTTON :')

No comments:

Post a Comment